Sunday, April 26, 2015

Healthy Changes- follow up

So it's been about 3 weeks since I started on a slow journey to get healthy. I've started with adding in one new challenge each week- all of them relatively small changes but I hope by making small changes, eventually they will add up to big changes. Doing these small things helps me to feel more in control and able to follow through.  In the past when I would take on a "diet" mentality, it required me to change so many things at once that I don't think I could sustain it long term ( and obviously didn't), which just puts you on the yo-yo path. I would love to report that all though it's been only 3 weeks doing simple things that I've lost 10 lbs. or something, but it's just not true.  The first week I was down a little, the 2nd week up higher than my initial starting weight and tomorrow will be the weigh in for this week- my weight tends to fluctuate, but if it stays where it was yesterday that would probably put me back down to about what I was the first week where I had lost a smidge. Here's a review of the goals and how they are going.

Week 1- Ditch artificially or sugar sweetened sodas and flavored waters, start drinking 9 cups of water a day. I just felt this was an overall healthy goal and also not too much of a stretch.  Only in the past few years had I really started drinking more and more artificially sweetened sodas and such on a more regular basis. I still occasionally want that sweet taste, but I don't buy it , so it's not here. My youngest daughter has also started drinking milk more often than a soda, so that is good too, I think.  It is mostly when we are out or travelling that I think I will have to consciously think more about this- for example when we are on a long drive it would be normal for us to stop and get sodas at the gas station- and I always didn't want to buy a water bottle because it seemed silly- water was free, so instead I would usually get a diet soda.  So sometimes yes, my body feels heavy and full of water, and there are days I spend more time in the bathroom than I would like, but my nails are also nice and shiny and I feel like this is just a healthy, natural goal.

Week2- Limit eating sweets to only one time a day.  It's a little embarrassing that this even had to be a goal, but it did. I would often eat something sweet multiple times during the day, especially on stressful days.  It didn't have to be much, a handful of chocolate chips here, a cookie there, but it may be several times a day. Sweets were definitely a coping strategy. Doing this goal has made me insightful.  This is what I have found- I CAN control my sugar cravings and not give in, I like to often save my "sweet" for the end of the day, it has made me more aware and deliberate in my food choices. However, this is still an area of struggle for me. I find that when I do decide it is my time of the day to eat sweets, remember I never said only 1 sweet, only 1 time a day, I find that I eat more than I may be satisfied with, I feel I have to get all I could possibly want, or maybe I'll order a small blizzard instead of the mini one, just because I can.  I'm still working on this- breaking the power sweets have over me, it's a process, and knowing is half the battle right? However, I do see new thought patterns emerging- for example yesterday I was at a church function and they served lunch with dessert available. It looked delicious and normally I would have had some without a thought, but I knew that that night was Jayna's piano recital and that we would most likely be going out to Dairy Queen afterwards, so although it was hard and a very conscious decision, I was able to choose to skip the dessert because I knew we would be having something later and that is where I wanted to spend my "sweet". That thought process is not something I would have done before, unless I was on a "diet", which I don't really feel like this is- in a positive way.

Week 3- Exercise 3 times a week for at least 20 minutes. I know, it sounds like such a tiny goal. Exercise is something that I have difficulty with when it comes to consistency and injuries. There have been times when I actively exercise 5 days a week or so and then times when I am doing hardly nothing. Immediately before this, I was at the nothing part.  However, about a month or so ago I was doing really well at exercising a few days a week. I had started in part to keep depression at bay. I had a video game that I actually enjoy with a variety of exercise opportunities.  And then I threw my back out. Weeks of pain and now I am okay, until I do anything outside of my normal daily movements.  If I do something more such as pull garbage cans, mow the yard or cut tree limbs, I again end up with a hurting back. I haven't gotten back to the video yet and this week I just walked to meet my goal. They say you should find something fun and make it a part of your life but that seems to back fire on me. Enjoyed the video game = hurt back, also I've enjoyed playing tennis in the past but I usually end up with a hurt shoulder. Again 3 times a week at 20 minutes isn't going to make someone really lose weight, but I do think it helps someone be healthier and push them towards the losing weight goal as well. Something is better than nothing right?

Week 4- This upcoming week I think I am going to not add anything else in but keep working on the 3 goals above, hoping to make the exercise part not feel so dreadful and hopefully tweaking the sweet eating to be happy with just enough. I think adding in another goal right now would make me start to feel out of balance- too many things hard at once.  I think I just need one more week on these goals before I add a new.

And so it goes...

Just Read- "We Have Always Lived In The Castle" by Shirley Jackson- the same author that wrote "The Lottery", which I watched in school at 7th grade which traumatized me. Andrew read this book and loved it. Her books are those that make you think of community and society as a whole and how we act.  I give it 3/5 stars.

Currently Reading- "Inside the O'Briens" by Lisa Genova. She also wrote "Still Alice" which I enjoyed which was about a lady and her battle with early onset Alzheimer's. This story (fiction) is about a family whose Dad has Huntington's disease. Good so far.

Friday, April 3, 2015

Wanted- Cheerleaders, not coaches.

The end of December I took a leave of absence from my job as an activities director to manage some family needs. By the middle of January, I knew that the needs were more involved and that I wouldn't be returning to my job. This was  hard, yet the right choice.  It put me in a new position.  So many people find that they have too much stuff to do and not enough time, but for me all of a sudden I felt like I had all this time, but not enough stuff to keep me happily engaged.  Although I was needed at home, since all of my kids are in school I was often home alone- and yes, I could spend loads of time cooking and cleaning, I can tell you neither are my passion.  So I decided it would be a transformative year for me. I had desires to: use my girl power, become spiritually stronger, get healthier and overall become the best me possible.  Now a few months in- I can't say I've changed drastically, although I do feel like I've done little things in probably all of these categories, but mostly I've gotten busy wasting time or spending time on what isn't most important to me- it is so easy to do.  Anyhow the realization is that to accomplish the above goals it takes time- but more importantly a set plan.  So I've been thinking about the health issue- especially in regards to weight.  I've been processing through my life, and my story because I think you have to understand where you are and why before you can make changes.

So here goes- How did I get so fat???
Now listen, I don't consider that a negative statement, I'm not overly beating myself up, but the truth is I'm not only fat, I'm obese.  I don't believe being obese means you can't be beautiful, but what I know for myself is that being so overweight limits me- and I don't like to be limited. And I don't necessarily mean the limits you put on yourself, because I think many overweight people limit themselves. Growing up I felt like my mom often didn't want to take us swimming because she didn't want to get in a swimsuit- I have really tried to not live like that- I have put on a swimming suit to take my kids to water parks, snorkeling at Disney and more.  And now I have to say my mom swims on a regular basis. However, I do feel limits and one of the biggest for me is when planning trips or activities wondering or worrying if I will be to overweight to do something- for example before going to Disney I did a lot of research about fitting into rides and such- now thankfully Disney is a size friendly theme park and I didn't have any problems, however wondering about it did cause me worry that I can really do without.  Am I too heavy for a Segway tour, too heavy for sky diving, for horseback riding.  I love doing things and I hate worrying about if I will be able to.  Will I have to set out an activity while I send my husband and kids to participate- that sounds sad.  So I have to say once upon a time I wish I had a list of all the activities I would like to do and a maximum weight allowed to do such things- of course I never knew I needed a list, because I never knew that I would be where I am now. I also feel like I don't feel mentally or spiritually as well when I am so overweight. It limits what I do, because although I try not to feel self -conscious , sometimes you just do.  I also know my body is a gift from God, and that I am expected to care for it well and that when I don't, spiritually I suffer.

So back to HOW did I get so fat?
Genetics and lifestyle- the early years. Both of my parents spent a lot of my childhood being overweight.  My dad and mom were both short as well- and when you're short, there is just less space for those calories to go.  We didn't have packaged, processed food, but we did have probably a meat and potatoes mentality, although vegetables and fruit were available as well. Also lots of homemade goodies such as pies and cookies.  Healthy habits weren't really talked about.  I know I over ate then but at the same time we put in so much physical labor that it probably balanced out to allow me to be around a size 10-12 during my high school years. My dad encouraged badminton, horseshoes and ping pong as active fun.

A misunderstanding of religious teachings?- I remember all these lessons about vanity and how it was wrong and that you shouldn't be so concerned about how you look, as well as the importance of not judging others on the way they look- and somehow I got it in my head that it was wrong to care or worry about how you looked.  I know we also had lessons on healthy eating and the Word of Wisdom, which then mostly seemed like a list of "Don'ts", but I feel like it was the anti- vanity lessons that stuck.  And I agree you shouldn't judge others on how they look, but there is nothing wrong and actually something right with wanting to look nice. And in reality the church teaches to care for our body- but my teenage brain got everything a little skewed.

Marriage and Life- Early on in our marriage I got down to one of my lowest adult weights of around 125.  I think I was able to do that then for a few reasons- we couldn't really afford eating out or buying many extra treats, our life was simpler- just two people and time to really plan out meals and count calories. I gained a lot of weight with our first child, but was able to lose it.  However after our second child was born, and basically from then on, I've been gaining weight. Yes sometimes with a loss and regain thrown in.  I'm not sure if I was always a stress eater or became one or that it was just noticeable because all of the sudden I had a lot more stress, but I would definitely say I am a stress eater. I have recognized this, but haven't yet learned how to do this differently.  I think I need to do 2 things- learn to get stressed less, but then also learn to substitute something else to do when I am stressed. So as well as being a stress eater, there are many other things I do wrong and some things I do right. 

My goal now is to set goals to start incorporating healthy habits and to find time to really focus on what I need to do. Time to really think about the steps to take.  I'm not on a lose 100 lbs by next year plan or triple the exercise plan or only eat veggies plan, I just want to mentally feel well, physically feel well and eventually get to a point where I don't have this nagging worry over my head of "will I be able to do that", I have every intention of  spending a lot of fun time with my family as I age. Right this minute I don't know exactly what goal or goals I'm going to work on first, although I have started a list of ideas. I'm going to talk to Richard tonight and discuss this, maybe we will do this together or even choose our own healthy habit to start on, but be able to support each other.
I' m happy to have cheerleaders on my journey, more than coaches right now- if I have learned anything it is that sometimes ( all the time?) you have to choose what works for you and ditch everyone else's "you shoulds", but feel free to become a cheerleader on my team!

And so it goes...

Reading Now- "Everything I Never Told You" by Celeste Ng and "Half the Sky" by Nicholas D.Kristoff and Sheryl WuDunn

Recently Read- "1984" by George Orwell- thought provoking
"Longbourne" by  Jo Baker- a fun read showing another side of  "Pride and Prejudice"
"The Light Between Oceans" by  M.L.Stedman- Great story! A page turner except for the fact that you don't want it to end!